Okay, so I just out of a great vlog, and it’s basically what’s happened right now. You know, I’ve been doing all this work to get attention, to bring business to a site for art that people really don’t need necessarily. Not like a, you know, not like gasoline or food or whatever. You know, it is luxury in its own sense, or it’s just something esoterical. But I’m living with this thought as an artist, and you have to go through these moments where you have to question all that. You paint for freedom, and then you want to monetize it, and then you don’t know if it’s gonna sell, who’s gonna buy it, if it’s gonna sell, if it’s good enough. All those factors go into it, and then somebody sees it and they love it, and you’re lucky. And that’s where the luck comes in. But again, it’s like I’m asking myself, hey, what an artist has to live through. I mean, yeah, you have artists like Van Gogh, and you’re like, how am I gonna sell this? Where is it gonna sell? Who’s gonna buy it? Or just the fact like, hey, I don’t know where my next dollars are gonna come from. I’m living on not just luck but hope. Hey, I got it. I hope something sells. I hope somebody out there sees it. Somebody buys it. Somebody wants it. You know, I mean, I’m like doing a commission today for a jaguar, and I’m like, I’ve never painted a jaguar before, but I’m doing my best. I mean, I painted one jaguar before, but this one’s more of like a colorful cactus technique one. I want it to look Banksy street art, but does it have any silkscreen? Does it have any spray paint? No. I’m trying to do it by hand and mimic it. Is it coming out the way I want it? No. You know, I just had to show the client. You know, I took a week just to think about it, get everything ready, get out of town. I’m working out of town in Palm Springs. I’m like, I’m thinking in my brain before I even started all this is gonna be easy, and now I’m doing it. And again, it’s like here I go building the bridge. It’s taking time, preparation, and now I’m like, it’s not there yet. But there’s been a lot of times I’ve been working on a painting and I know it’s not there, but I know it can become there. Like my teacher in college said, You gotta refine, you gotta refine. Well, sometimes you just have to keep at it until it pushes over that edge to where it looks good. But on that note of technique and what I need to do with it to get it selling, get paid from this client, he responded. He didn’t give me any kind of like, I like the color, or anything. I just said, It’s colorful, I’m gonna add green. Oh, great. Thank you kindly. That’s all he said. Did he respond? No. He seems just completely content with it. And the same token, I’m living with that doubt that I don’t know. You know, I mean, yes I know, and then part of me like I really don’t know if I’m gonna get paid. He could be, like, hate it. And the whole time he didn’t respond. He might not like it. And then I’m thinking in the same token, this is my only client that I’ve had in two, three weeks. You know, it’s a significant client, but he gave me complete freedom and, you know, negotiated price, and it’s a decent price. But, you know, I hate to be so insecure. But, like, I’m waiting for other sales. I don’t hear anything, and that’s what an artist has to live through, is that uncertainty. You don’t know what is gonna sell. You know? Like Van Gogh, did he have uncertainty? Did he question, Hey, what’s marketing? What’s business? Do I know how to sell? I talk to my brother Theo all the time. Maybe he gives me some pointers of where to sell it. Do you sell it on a street corner? Do you do trades with it? You know? Now, he had to sell some in his lifetime, but I’m sitting here in modern day with everything at my access: internet, social media, Facebook, Twitter, you know, a Shopify website, a WordPress website. I can put it on X. I can take pictures of it. I can send it to people. I can… and it’s like in the same time, this I’m going through something where it just doesn’t seem like anything’s selling. And there is a lot of uncertainty, but I know there are other artists doing it. But the sad joke is, like, yes, when it rains, it pours. When it’s the right person ready to see it, they’ll buy it. But it’s a lot of uncertainty to live with. Again, going into that painting myself in a corner idea. You know? Do I want to have this lifestyle of struggle? Not just pain and suffering. I’m living in a modern day society. I’m domesticated. I eat well. I have a roof over my head. Yet the artist life is a lot of uncertainty. You know, yeah, you want to create the freedom, but at the same token… How can you monetize your passion, and how can you rely on it, especially when it’s all over the place? Yeah, there’s experiences, ideas, there’s knowledge, and then there’s technique and, like, you know, the whole thing. Am I good enough? It’s a lot.
To be continued.
